An ode to our railroad apartment (aka hallway house)

A railroad apartment is a right of passage for New Yorkers (we are told). And it’s your lucky day as we are about to move out of ours.
Here’s why you should definitely add a railroad to your list of life experiences. Especially if you have a kid/kids.
– You can see your kid jumping on your bed while you prepare his lunch from the kitchen
– It is easy to clean (but equally, it is easy to turn into what resembles a crack den in seconds AND, because the vacuum and cleaning products are so precariously balanced on top of one another in the cupboard, it is too dangerous to pull them out and clean).
– With cupboards too small for even a human to stand in, you have no choice but to live as a minimalist, and can therefore get away with wearing the same, yogurt smeared and blueberry-stained clothing everyday.
– With no washing machine, and no time to lug the dirty clothing to the laundromat more than twice a week, there’s really no point in trying to get out the stains.
– With a bathroom the size of a shower, there’s nowhere to soak or hang the clothes you attempt to de-stain, anyway.
– Because the kitchen is so narrow, the fridge is conveniently located in the “lounge”, for easy access to alcoholic beverages.
– Because your lounge is too small and narrow, the only place to put the TV is in your bedroom, which means every day is a holiday with TV in bed just like in a hotel room!
– With no room for a table, there’s always an excuse to eat in bed, watching TV, and pretend it’s hotel room service.
– Because running back and forth gets old, your kid will push the limits of going UP. And having trained on the drawers, bar stools and toilet/vanity, will be able to scale any ladder or climbing apparatus in the playground like a boss.
– With the only windows located on opposite ends of the railroad/hallway, you always have one completely dark space in the middle of the house, in which to play vampires.
– With window-fitted air conditioners on opposite ends of the house, you always have one stiflingly hot room in the middle, in which to sit and sweat in, and imagine you are visiting a luxurious sauna. You can even put a paddling pool next to the fridge, opening the fridge door and turning on the overhead fan, to make every day of summer feel like a fun frat party.
– With thin walls separating you from your neighbours on two sides of the apartment, and a busy road on the other, there is never a need to turn on the radio or to have a conversation with someone within the house as you can tune into everyone else’s.
– With thin walls between neighbours on two sides of the apartment, and a busy road on the other, there is never a need to smoke weed or go to a live gig, as both manage to permeate the walls and sneak under the cracks of your doors.
Get in line folks, and we will be in touch shortly asking you to fill out an application.

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